Working Moms

Ed and I spent a blissful day with Bess at Quiet Waters Park near Annapolis. It was Labor Day and we went to rest. The park is gorgeous, complete with bike paths, a dog park, and even a dog beach where all kinds of pups were at play. We immediately began imagining the future days when we would bring the Turtle with us to this serene place.

So where's the rub in this lovely vision of ours? You may note that I haven't posted on the blog for 2 and a 1/2 weeks. This is no accident. Week before last I billed almost 70 hours (which means I worked more like 80 or so). Exhausted and totally burnt, I spent my evenings all last week in a stupor in front of televised Democratic convention speeches (not a bad way to spend those hours, in retrospect, but not the most productive, either). While a 70-hour billable week is certainly the exception and not the rule, there's no question that I have been working more and more as time goes on. Days creep longer and longer, until it's become routine not to leave until 6:30. Working "a few hours" (which could be 2 or 6 or more) on the weekend has become something of the norm. And while I intend to cut back on my hours when I return to work after maternity leave, 80% at a law firm is full-time pretty much anywhere else.

We've lived here in D.C. for a little over a year now, and yet I still feel like I barely know the place-- it's a beautiful city with many secrets to share, if only we had the time to discover them. Even shopping for groceries has become an elusive chore that takes more time than we seem to have. As the Turtle's arrival draws nearer and nearer, it gets harder and harder to think about how I will be able to justify to myself (and to the critical eyes of so many others, I'm sure) my time (overtime?) at the firm when I have a precious new presence in my life who is worthy and deserving of as much of my time as I can give.

My mom never worked at any point when I was a child. As I got older, she went back to school and later took on some volunteer roles, but she never worked full time. So I don't really have a model for how to do that successfully. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't have it all (at least not while also expecting every part of life to be as fulfilling as it might be standing on its own), but I still want a lot. I want to cook dinner for/with my family every night (or at least more nights than I do now, which is hardly any), spend quality time with my kids every day, take time for adventures as often as possible, take time for myself too, and on top of all that, feel not only competent, but successful and fulfilled at work. And I'm probably not any different than any woman who wants to work and raise kids at the same time. The question is, how do we do it?

Anyone with sage advice is welcome to post it here.