Great Expectingtations

It’s time I joined in this here new-fangled ‘blogosphere.’ I can’t let my Turtle-mama have all the fun. I mean, she already selfishly hogs the joys of pregnancy, like the steady but random pain, the impossibility of a comfortable sleeping position, and the donation of her body to medical science every few weeks. What is a Turtle-daddy to do?

We had a bit of a scare last week as we thought that Mandy might have a risky condition known as cervical insufficiency (sometimes referred to as “incompetent cervix,” but that phrase is so not politically correct), which can lead to mid-term miscarriages. We had a late night hospital visit followed by a couple of anxious days before finding reassurance in an ultrasound. Such an event puts things in perspective. Life is so much fortune.

And in the process, we scored some more photos. We got a great profile shot and an action shot of the Turtle kicking itself in the head. We will post these soon, and they will clearly demonstrate that Mandy and Turtle are colluding to exclude my genes from this child’s DNA. The Turtle totally has a Hitchcock profile, and my god you should see the feet on that thing. The baby is going to come out ready to go snorkeling. At this point, my influence may be limited to bushy eyebrows or elongated nose hair. Life is so much fortune.

The most frightening thing about having a child is the realization that I have less than five months to become an adult. And at 36, I am being asked to grow up way too fast. (Actually, the most frightening thing is contemplating raising a child in modern America, but that is way too somber a topic for my first post.) Thankfully, I’ll have the opportunity to live vicariously through my child(ren). I’m so glad that he/she will get to achieve all of things that I never did.

Actually, I’m only 85% serious when I say that. To prove it, I am trying to write a children’s book for the Turtle that tells the story of Tally the Turtle, whose journey is about accepting its gifts and dealing with consternation of other turtles and pond creatures, who expect the turtle to be, well, in a box. The problem is that this story has been written a thousand times and every year, Disney and/or Pixar release a new version. That and I can’t draw. I have a great first line though, and when I am 15% finished, I will quit.

Today, we buy wallies. Ocean-theme wallies.