Hudson at One Month (give or take a few days)

Our little girl is growing up so fast! Argh-- don't we all stand in disbelief when we become parents and find ourselves repeating this seemingly hackneyed phrase? But really, it is just amazing how the time flies. Hudson's one month birthday came and went in a flash (and before we had a chance to take a picture of her that day, apparently, so we're substituting a few from several days later!) and she'll be six weeks old tomorrow, incredibly. Six life-changing weeks, during which I have fallen more and more in love with her every day.

These six weeks have been mind-blowing, to say the least, and not just because of sleep deprivation. Hudson has grown from a tiny 7 lbs, 6 oz fussy (but gorgeous) blob to a hefty 1o-pounder with a personality and an irresistibly disarming smile. The first three weeks were a complete blur of constant feedings and hours spent trying to calm her or get her to sleep. I rarely got dressed except to take her to the pediatrician twice. We spent the holiday week in North Carolina visiting her grandparents, where she hit her first major milestone and lost her umbilical cord stump, revealing a beautiful belly button! I am only a little embarrassed to say that I cried a bit when that happened...

When we returned from North Carolina, it was already time for Ed to go back to work. After two days at home alone with Hudson, I realized quickly that I needed to start planning some outings for us-- sitting at home all day wasn't a whole lot of fun for either of us. I went to a class at the breastfeeding center where I got to talk with other new moms about their breastfeeing experiences, ran a few small errands, had lunch with a friend, and took Hudson for her 1-month (gasp!) checkup. We even went and had lunch with her daddy at his office. I was totally terrified during the first outing, but managed to breastfeed her in the parents' room at a baby store and keep her relatively calm when she woke abruptly from her nap in the carseat (who knew one could drive and hold a pinky in a baby's mouth in the backseat?). Each time we went out, I got a little more confident-- the idea of outings longer than the intervals between feedings is still a little daunting, but I feel like I'm getting the hang of it.

But realizing that she is almost six weeks old also made me realize that these times with her as a very young baby are going to be gone forever very soon, and that I would be really sad if I didn't start taking the time to document some of our experiences with her. For the first two weeks or so, she was pretty typical-- she ate and slept almost exclusively, with a little bit of playtime here and there. She hated her first bath (we have pictures and video of this!) but now that she can take tub baths, she seems to enjoy sitting in the warm water-- you just have to catch her in the right mood. For the next two or three weeks, she revealed herself to be a tad bit fussy-- the only time she seemed really happy was when she was eating. We spent most of the rest of the time trying to soothe her fussiness or trying to get her to go to sleep (she has an incredible knack for waking herself back up just as she is dozing off or even after she's already fallen asleep). But I did some research and realized that some of my breastfeeding patterns may have been causing her excess gas, which might explain why she was so fussy most of the time. All of a sudden, after making some changes in the last week, she has several hours during the day where she is content, and even happy, and has, at least for the last few days, settled into a nice routine of eating, playing for a half hour or so, and then taking a nap.

And best of all, after several weeks of trying to decide whether what looked like smiles on her face were really smiles or just gas, she started delivering her first real, full-faced smiles yesterday, accompanied by the most delightful noises. Cooing is not quite the right word for these vocalizations, as they are usually much more excited and exclamatory! Now, it's almost like she can't stop smiling, and our hearts melt every single time. This morning, after we woke up and I fed her (in our bed, where she is sleeping for the time being-- not only is it the only place she will go down for the night, it makes the nighttime feeding SO much easier), we played in the bed for a little bit and her eyes caught the ceiling fan in our bedroom. She stared at it, totally transfixed, and when I flipped the switch, turning on the light and starting the fan spinning, she smiled and let out the loudest cry of delight (at least that's what it sounded like to me!).

There have been a million other moments worth documenting (to me, at least) and sadly, I've probably lost them forever now. But the moment I will remember forever was when she first grabbed onto my finger with her perfect little hand. All I remember thinking was, "Hold on, little girl. Just hold on. I will always be there for you."